the lapse of luxury: a glamorous young woman chews on her pearls in frustration

“Success covers a multitude of blunders.”
—George Bernard Shaw

The Lapse of Luxury

Putting on the Ritz
I was staying in a posh L.A. hotel. One morning I scooped up a message left outside my door, but as I strained to reach for the slip of paper, I fell forward slightly and ended up locking myself out of my room—stark naked. With my heart now racing, I dashed down the hall, where I found a trashcan. I tipped it over, then gratefully wrapped myself in the trashcan liner. I crept down the stairs to the lobby. The woman behind the reception desk had clearly seen me coming, for she issued the replacement access card without once looking up.

Skirt Chaser
I was a lowly staff member at a fancy fundraiser in New York. The man sitting next to me had been hitting on me all evening and I needed to duck him, so when the college president invited the entire staff to join his wife and him for cocktails in the hotel lounge after dinner, I accepted, despite my boss’s glare at my breach of protocol. I was congratulating myself on the success of my plan until we all sat down on the low chairs in the lounge. There I suddenly realized what the tablecloth in the banquet hall had masked: when I was seated, my brand-new dress hiked up dramatically. I strategically placed a tiny cocktail napkin on my lap, gulped down my drink, and fled as soon as possible.

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