woman with eyes closed offering her puckered lips for an unrequited kiss

“My wife and I were
happy for twenty years.
Then we met.”
—Rodney Dangerfield

Flirting with Disaster

Shake a Leg
I was on a blind date and very nervous. We were taking a fifteen-minute cab ride to the restaurant and already we had run out of conversation. I was looking out the window, and in my insecurity I pulled the corner of my large handbag closer to me. When it didn’t move easily, I glanced down. I had tugged on my date’s knee instead.

In an Interesting Condition
I’d just met a cute guy at a party, and we really hit it off. He was from Spain, and I wanted to impress him with my high school Spanish. We talked for a while, but my vocabulary was limited, so I told him I was embarrassed. He raised an eyebrow, murmured his congratulations, and walked away. It was only after he’d left the party that I remembered that the word I’d used for embarrassed—embarazada—actually means “pregnant.”

A Closer Look
A bunch of buddies and I had gone to a club, where a drop-dead gorgeous woman asked me to dance. I had recently broken up with my girlfriend, so I was psyched. After we had danced for an hour straight, my dance partner excused herself to use the ladies’ room. One of my buddies took advantage of her absence to sidle up to me. “Dude!” he said. “Your date is a dude!” Sure enough, when she returned, the subtle signs suddenly weren’t so subtle. I made my excuses and fled. My buddies have never let me forget that evening.

The Movie
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